Aka or Red
by Inume-blue
Summary: Crack fic for my nephew iismadman97 Happy 16th Birthday! The real reason Itachi massacred his entire clan.


**AN:** This fic is purely crack, and I have not had my beta look at it. This fic is for my nephew _**iismadman97**_ on his 16th Birthday. This fan fic is loosely based off a text message he sent me the other day and I mean loosely, I had to take some liberties because the text was maybe a sentence long. So_** iismadman97**_, never say I never did anything nice for you ;) and have a Happy Sixteenth Birthday! Oh my gosh! Does this mean you can legally drive now? Everyone get off the sidewalks!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...or Fullmetal Alchemist ;) **

* * *

Two lone dark figures stood not ten yards apart. The wind blew from the east causing both men's dark hair to flutter in their faces. The two shinobi inched closer cautiously, the moment had finally come. All the waiting and training had finally come to a head. There would be a confrontation. It was unavoidable and approached like a gathering storm. Only one of the brothers would come out of this alive. Their dark eyes changed from onyx to crimson as two sets of sharigans came alive.

"Give up now little brother. You don't stand a chance against me." Itachi warned as a large crow found purchase on his shoulder.

_**caw caw caw**_

Sasuke clenched his fists. "You underestimated me in the past. I'm going to kill you now." The younger brother stated in a dark tone, letting rare emotions slip through his façade.

There was no more need for small talk.

For the next three hours genjutsus, jutsus, and kunai clashed as the last of the Uchihas tried to out match each other. Evenly matched and nearly out of breath they decided to use their last resorts.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

Two men dressed in royal blue uniforms stepped out of the cloud of smoke in front of Itachi.

"What the hell? Where are we Hughes? What happed to my office?" Roy Mustang, the acclaimed flame alchemist yelled.

Maes Hughes simply shrugged looking around. He fixed his glasses before making an assessment.

"It seems as though we have be transported by a highly talented alchemist to a distant land, but I can't seem to find the transmutation circle anywhere! Truly this is the work of a true genius!" Hughes inclined his head to Itachi who simply nodded in acknowledgement.

"Hey Itachi no fair! Those two are not even in the same anime let alone universe as us!" Sasuke wined

"I believe that you are simply jealous that, that summon of yours is ignoring you." Itachi retaliated.

It was true. As the smoke cleared from Sasuke's summon it was obvious Kakashi Hatake was quite occupied with kissing a certain Sakura Haruno senseless. Sasuke's face paled then changed to a dark pink hue with a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

"SAKURA! HOW COULD YOU!"

The rouge ninja's voice broke the two breathless lovers apart. Sakura had the decency to look embarrassed. Kakashi simply looked pissed off at having been interrupted from what could have been a very pleasant evening.

"I'm sorry Sasuke-kun but I don't love you anymore. I love Kakashi now and-"

"You stupid girl! I'm not mad that you don't love me, but how could you steal Kakashi from me? I loved him first!" Sasuke yelled stomping his foot.

The clearing went silent for a few moments before Roy Mustang began to laugh.

"Oh it seems we have stumbled on quite the love triangle here Hughes! Things are certainly getting interesting." The flame alchemist mused.

"Shut up before I put my fist through your face!" Sasuke snapped.

"He reminds me fondly of Fullmetal." Mustang continued with a smile.

"I told you it would never work between us Sasuke. I AM STRAIGHT." Kakashi emphasized.

Kakashi soon found himself flying through the air crashing into Mustang along the way. The two men flew across the clearing and into the brush on the other side.

"Inconsiderate jerk!" Sasuke cried wiping furiously at his tears.

Sakura dashed towards her silver haired lover worriedly "Kakashi!"

Meanwhile Itachi was being assaulted by picture after picture from Hughes, with sayings like:

"_Look at my wife! Isn't she the most beautiful creature you have ever seen? She is my one and only."_ and _"My Elicia is the cutes, smartest three year old around! She is my pride and joy I tell you! Look at that! She has spaghetti on her adorable face!"_

A few moments latter Hughes was also sent flying towards the thicket.

Itachi and Sasuke were too exhausted to go on at that point. The last of the Uchihas sat side by side with matching pouts.

"Why did you do it?" Sasuke asked suddenly

"You honestly don't know?" Itachi asked darkly.

"I have a theory."

Itachi inclined his head waiting for Sasuke's supposed theory.

"I think that you were ordered to. I think that the Uchiha clan was going to start a rebellion, so you were ordered to take out the threat. But you left me alive. Why?" anger simmered in his words but Sasuke kept his eyes trained ahead and away from his brother. He could hardly look at Itachi

His thoughts were interrupted by a high sinister laugh. Startled Sasuke glanced at his brother truly convinced of his insanity now.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of! I'm sorry little brother but you are way off."

"Then why?" Sasuke asked in pure anger. "WHY?!"

"Because of you. You took my whole world so I took yours. I wanted to watch you suffer the way I did." Itachi stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Sasuke suddenly felt very small. "Wha-what? What are you saying?"

* * *

When Sakura found them, the two men were giggling perversely as they read Icha Icha together. She pursed her lips as her temper rose significantly. Moving to hit both of them over the head for being perverted, the pink haired woman was interrupted as Maes came crashing through the trees.

"Hughes! You need to meet this man! He loves dogs just like me! Not to mention his excellent taste in literature! He even has agreed to support me as Fuhrer." Mustang exclaimed wrapping his arm around Kakashi.

"Glad to see you two are getting along so well." Sakura gritted out. Neither of the men noticed the dark aura surrounding her except Hughes who scooted back away from the simmering Kunochi. Maes Hughes signaled to Roy to be quiet, yet the Flame alchemist ignored him and continued on.

"Yes we have even refined my first law to state that all female officers _and_ Kunochi will be required to where tiny miniskirts!"

Kakashi proudly clapped Mustang on the shoulder "This guy should be the next Hokage right here! I will follow him anywhere!"

"BAKA!"

Needless to say Kakashi Hatake and Roy Mustang were soon sporting very painful bumps on their heads.

* * *

"I'm saying _little brother _is that you left me no choice. You destroyed my life! You took my precious Aka!" Itachi Uchiha was crying softly now.

Sasuke was confused "Aka? Who's Ak-" comprehension finally dawned on Sauske his eyes widened in surprise "Wait! You mean to tell me that you killed our family over your stupid red dinosaur toy?!"

"Aka wasn't stupid! And he's not just any dinosaur; he was my best friend, my _true_ brother!" Itachi was crying in earnest now and frankly Sasuke was feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry brother." Sasuke muttered softly. He reached into his robe pulling out a soft red triceratops plushy. He gently placed Aka in Itachi's lap. Blinking the tears away the older Uchiha widened in surprise.

"All this time?" Itachi whispered hoarsely.

Sasuke nodded "I sleep with him every night. He reminds me of you, when you and I were happy."

Tears welded up in Itachi's eyes again. "I'm so sorry Sasuke."

Sasuke cried as well "Me too brother."

The two brothers embraced and cried. Suddenly Sasuke fell over dead with Itachi's kunai sticking out of his back. Itachi looked at his brother's body uninterested for a moment before turning a beaming smile to Aka.

"Aka I've missed you, let's go home."

The plushy remained silent as he was cuddled against Itachi's chest. Finally back to where he belonged.

* * *

**AN: Like I said, pure crack. Goodnight. **


End file.
